You know when people start new diets or implement a new regime into their lives, they always seem to start on a Monday. Not only that, but if they slip up in the week they tell themselves that they’ll just start afresh on Monday, and give themselves a free pass for the rest of the week. Subconsciously I gave myself this free pass … FOR THE YEAR. About half-way through the year everything went to pot and somewhere in all of that chaos I must’ve said to myself ‘I’ll start again next year’ because it’s now Dec 29th and I’m still not out of that rut. I still don’t know what went wrong, what I want from life, where I want to go and what I want to bring to the world.
So January 1st is going to be my hypothetical Monday. My free pass will be over, no more moping and feeling sorry for myself. I’m going to get out of my head, out of my bed and make a change for the better. Most importantly, I’m going to use all the lessons this year has taught me, all the tools I’ve learnt from watching YouTube videos when I was too anxious to actually go out and live. 2019 is a completely blank canvas, maybe there is a plan for me but I can’t see it yet.
Yes, it’s going to be hard and it’s scary to not know but honestly, it has got to be better than where I am right now. Whatever pain I thought I was protecting myself from I have created more of in this stagnant existence. I’m ready to embrace new places, adventures and people even if there’s a twinge of sadness for those who no longer walk beside me. I’m ready to discover what I was made to be and do and not what society feels is a respectable and successful career because what is success anyway? Is it not being happy and fulfilled, how many high powered lawyers or Wall Street bankers can honestly say they are so?
So I don’t know where I’ll be or what my life will look like on Dec 29th, 2019 but as long as it’s not this, it will have been a very successful year.
“The New Year stands before us, like a chapter in a book, waiting to be written.” Melody Beattie
Alice in Welshland 