It’s funny isn’t it. Life. You watch in anguish as everyone else’s seems to be going so great as you look from afar. Then you look at your own life and wonder why that can’t be you. Why are they achieving all these great things, why are they hitting milestones that I can’t seem to get close to?
We know our struggles, but we don’t know theirs. Someone has just had a baby. You think to yourself how much further ahead they are than you, but you don’t see their struggle, you see their joy from overcoming it. That person/ couple who you think have it all figured out having just welcomed new life into the world could have had countless miscarriages, could have spent years trying to conceive and spent thousands of pounds in the process. You don’t see all the tears they cried thinking that they would never get to this day, this happy moment you are witnessing. That happy couple who just got married. They too will have wondered whether there is anyone out there for them. They will have had to face uncertainty. You see a happy couple on their wedding day, but to get to that point they have cried, they have been hurt and broken, they have had days when they thought it was only meant for everyone else but them.
I struggled so much with this last year when the second of my two best friends from high school got married. I was the one in high school who wanted that life, I wanted to find the love of my life, get married and one day have a family of my own. They didn’t. In fact, one of them openly scoffed at the idea. They were both very academic and driven, both wanted to be successful above all else. Boys were a distraction. At least that’s what they told me, despite one of them already being in a relationship with their now husband. They didn’t want that life; not like I did and now they both have it (marriage at least).
So, what was I doing wrong? Why them? Honestly, I think I wanted it too much. I was dwelling too much on the fact that it had happened to them and not to me. I was needy without even realising and I was in fact repelling everything that I wanted and needed. So, I learnt to let go. I went within, I worked on bringing the energy back inside my own body. I worked on attracting from within and not repelling by pushing my energy onto everything and everyone. I started to notice people around me treat me differently. I started to care less and less what people thought because I had found safety in who I was. Yoga was a great tool to help with this, as well as Aaron Doughty on YouTube. I dealt with the wounds that meant I only attracted emotionally unavailable people into my life.
I let go of my attachment to the end result and just allowed it to be.
“Lighthouses don’t go running all over an island looking for boats to save; they just stand there shining.”
Anne Lamott
Alice in Welshland 